1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,770
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:11,377
Yo, Kate! Where do you keep
your casserole dishes?
3
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,444
Why?
4
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:13,445
The cat won't fit in
5
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,880
the toaster.
6
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:19,618
Never mind. I'll make
a peanut-butter sandwich.
7
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,653
Where's the blender?
8
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,722
Try it without the blender
this time.
9
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,358
And don't get hair
in the peanut-butter jar.
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,193
Rules, rules, rules.
11
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,632
Yes, that's the answer.
San Diego.
12
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,801
Fine. What was the question?
13
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,703
Where should we go
on our vacation?
14
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,171
I say we should go to San Diego.
15
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,974
Oh, San Diego sounds fine to me.
But what about ALF?
16
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:45,377
We don't have to check with ALF.
That's where we're going.
17
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,913
San Diego really does have
something for everyone.
18
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,149
It's not just an empty slogan.
19
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,317
I mean, what are we
going to do with ALF?
20
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,153
SeaWorld, Brian will love that.
21
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,854
They've got..
The new killer whales are in.
22
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,190
And look,
look at those beaches. The..
23
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,725
Lynn'll have a great time!
24
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,194
[clears throat]
What about ALF?
25
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,328
I'm sorry.
26
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,098
Did you say I should get hair
27
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,399
in the peanut butter
28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,501
or I shouldn't?
29
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,670
Just toss it out.
30
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The hair or the peanut butter?
31
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,208
- Both!
- No problem!
32
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,543
Why don't I believe that?
33
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,711
Oh, my gosh!
34
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,014
They're having
a Shakespeare Festival.
35
00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:26,385
Willie, there is hair
in our peanut butter.
36
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:30,055
"Love Boat's" Bernie Kopell
is playing Hamlet.
37
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,790
I said,
what are we gonna do about--
38
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,625
Grease fire! Grease fire!
39
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:37,196
- 'ALF!'
- Oh, no! Oh, no!
40
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,932
(ALF)
'Never mind the curtains.
Put me out!'
41
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,936
[theme music]
42
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:57,282
[inaudible]
43
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:25,077
[music continues]
44
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:48,867
Thank you for this food that
you've set before us tonight.
45
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:52,838
And once again, thank you
for sparing our kitchen.
46
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:54,940
Amen to that.
47
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,909
[bangs]
Let's eat!
48
00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,846
There's hair in this tuna fish.
49
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,783
I like it.
50
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,620
How come I didn't get any hair?
51
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,289
We ran out.
52
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,491
Which is exactly
what I'm gonna do.
53
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,793
- May I please be excused?
- No, no, stay, Lynn.
54
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,461
Uh that's the end
of the hair talk.
55
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,964
I-I wanna talk about what
we're gonna do on our vacation.
56
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,633
Why's that the end
of the hair talk?
57
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,535
Because that's the end.
That's why.
58
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,803
We've changed subjects.
59
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,305
We're talking about
our vacation.
60
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,408
I thought we decided.
San Diego.
61
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,376
It has something for everyone.
62
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,911
Well, your mother and I
63
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,747
I mean, Kate and I,
have talked about this
64
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,016
and we've decided, uh
65
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,751
we should all stay right here.
66
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,853
At the table?
67
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,656
No, no, uh, but in house
68
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,692
or-or around the house.
69
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:47,826
Around the house?
70
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,828
Well, we can go out-outside.
71
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,097
Do we get to cross the street?
72
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:55,934
We just thought instead of going
somewhere far away and different
73
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,936
it would be more fun
to, to stay home
74
00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,239
where-where things
are, are not so different
75
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:03,775
and, uh, do pretty much
the same things
76
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,844
we do every day.
77
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:08,046
I think you sold them, dear.
78
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,515
No sale here.
I think it bites wind.
79
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,418
- 'ALF--'
- What? That's not hair talk.
80
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:17,022
Uh, we-well, let's just get back
to this vacation thing, alright?
81
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,857
Yeah, I think
we should talk about it.
82
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,125
How come
we're not going anywhere?
83
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,194
Did you lose all your money?
84
00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:24,863
Been playing the ponies,
haven't you?
85
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,231
If you wanna know the truth
86
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,899
you're the reason
we're staying home.
87
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,269
- Moi?
- Oui, monsieur.
88
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,038
- Porquoi?
- Because you're an alien.
89
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,706
- We're dropping the French?
- We're dropping it.
90
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,042
No problemo.
91
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:39,378
Why can't we take ALF
to San Diego?
92
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,280
Because the minute
we check into a hotel
93
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,714
somebody's gonna call
the police.
94
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,783
Or "The National Enquirer."
95
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,886
And, obviously,
we can't leave you home alone.
96
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,388
You proved that today.
97
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,392
I suppose that's a reference
to this kitchen thing.
98
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,893
You did start that fire.
99
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,795
And then you watched TV
100
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,597
while Kate and I put it out.
101
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,732
I didn't think
it was a three-man job.
102
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:05,504
The point is we're going to have
to spend this vacation at home.
103
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,172
I-I feel terrible.
104
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:11,476
I ruined your stove,
now I'm ruining your vacation.
105
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,646
I'm worthless. I'm garbage.
106
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,948
I'm canal water. I bite wind.
107
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,684
- ALF!
- What?
108
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,519
ALF,
you haven't ruined anything.
109
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:23,622
- Except our stove.
- And our vacation.
110
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:25,424
Well, I can't live with that.
111
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,926
You people are going on vacation
without me.
112
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,428
I don't see how we can.
113
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Pen me in the yard
114
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,931
where I won't cause any damage.
115
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,201
Chain me to a tree.
Put me in a kennel.
116
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:39,705
No, ALF! We're not going
on vacation without you.
117
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:43,041
I agree. There's gotta be
some place we can all go.
118
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,377
Before we gloss over
this kennel business--
119
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:46,478
Kate!
120
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,612
Maybe if we went
121
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:48,647
deep into the woods
122
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,949
where nobody would see ALF.
123
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,453
Out of the mouths of babes.
124
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:55,620
We can rent a motorhome.
125
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,556
We could go
to some secluded campground.
126
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,358
That's a great idea!
127
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,661
Let's give it a shot!
It could be fun.
128
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:06,164
Singing songs
around the campfire
129
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:09,735
eating pork and beans
out of a tin can
130
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:13,138
being together 24 hours a day
131
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,474
learning to accept each other's
132
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:18,510
little idiosyncrasies.
133
00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:19,745
So the kennel idea is dead?
134
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:20,812
- 'Mom!'
- Kate!
135
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,714
Okay, fine, we'll go camping.
136
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,049
What do we need? Uh..
137
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,718
We need, um, pork and beans.
138
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,155
- Yeah.
- Uh, wolf repellant..
139
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,023
¶ Two bottles of beer
on the wall ¶
140
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,658
¶ Two bottles of beer ¶
141
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,161
¶ If one of those bottles
should happen to fall ¶
142
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,829
¶ One bottle of beer
on the wall ¶
143
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:41,366
¶ One bottle of beer on
the wall one bottle of beer ¶
144
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,668
¶ If one of those bottles
should happen to fall ¶
145
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:47,706
¶ No more bottles of beer
on the wall ¶¶
146
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,207
One more time!
147
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,243
¶ A thousand bottles of beer
on the wall ¶
148
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,911
¶ A thousand bottles of beer ¶¶
149
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,546
Come on, mom, sing with us.
150
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,015
I don't know the words.
151
00:06:57,017 --> 00:07:00,786
Hey, Willie, keep your eyes open
for a clean gas station.
152
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,287
I'm gonna need to make
a pit stop.
153
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,723
- Again?
- I can't help it.
154
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,025
It's all this
singing about beer.
155
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,597
Hey, Lynn, you wanna spit out
the window with me?
156
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,966
[chuckles]
Maybe later.
157
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,969
- I'll spot you ten feet.
- No thanks.
158
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,939
I'm gonna write a letter
to my boyfriend.
159
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,607
How about you, Kate?
160
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:24,976
I don't know how to spit.
161
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,378
Come on, it's easy!
162
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,446
[expectorates]
163
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,414
No!
164
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,082
[gulps]
Alright!
165
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,084
Don't get your shorts in a knot.
166
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,720
I guess I'll just moon
some state troopers.
167
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:36,721
Make way here.
168
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,391
There'll be no mooning!
169
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:42,227
Boy, you call this a vacation?
170
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,567
Hey, chief, how about letting me
take over the controls a while?
171
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,402
You don't know how to drive.
172
00:07:50,404 --> 00:07:52,170
I drove through the cosmos,
didn't I?
173
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:55,907
- You crashed into our garage.
- You see any garages out there?
174
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,275
- No. No! No, no.
- Come on!
175
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,010
- Somebody get ALF off me!
- ALF, no, don't!
176
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,612
[clamoring]
177
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,648
[car honking]
178
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,987
[rain pattering]
179
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,691
[thunder rumbling]
180
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,193
[Lynn thinking]
Dear Lash, day number two
181
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,762
and it's still raining.
182
00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:21,433
I think we're in hell.
Please rescue me.
183
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:29,441
Is it just me,
or are the walls closing in?
184
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:32,844
You know, I really think
the rain is gonna stop.
185
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,280
Yeah,
it's bound to stop sometime.
186
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:38,683
You've been saying that
since we docked.
187
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,652
Come on, let's just
make the best of it.
188
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,988
Okay, how about a game
of Chinese checkers?
189
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,823
I'm tired of Chinese checkers.
190
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,559
Yeah, we're tired
of Chinese checkers.
191
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,561
How about Scrabble?
192
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:52,230
ALF ate all the vowels.
193
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:56,201
I was bored!
When I'm bored, I eat vowels.
194
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,570
Well, there's always charades.
195
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,005
I don't like charades.
196
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,807
I always feel like
everyone's watching me.
197
00:09:02,809 --> 00:09:04,576
What does everyone wanna do?
198
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,746
That is your call. You're
the one who dragged us here.
199
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:11,149
You guys really are
a bunch of negative nellies.
200
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,684
Yeah, we're trying to make
the best
201
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,319
of a less-than-perfect situation
202
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,855
and try to find something
that we can all do together.
203
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:18,490
May I suggest San Diego?
204
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:19,824
(Willie)
'No, you may not.'
205
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,192
Now, look, I know
206
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,228
things haven't worked out
exactly as planned
207
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,231
but when you have a lemon,
you make lemonade.
208
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,567
What lemon?
What are you talking about?
209
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,835
I'm just trying to tell you
there's more than one way
210
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,270
to skin a cat.
211
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:35,674
You've been reading
my recipe book.
212
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,208
Alright, let's do something.
213
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,444
Everybody in your coats
and hats, we're going on a hike.
214
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,947
- Oh, boy! In the rain!
- That sounds like fun!
215
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,382
That's the spirit!
Let's go, huh?
216
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,284
Who cares
if we get a little wet..
217
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,921
That's easy for you to say.
You're not 98% hair.
218
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,458
Now, look here, uh,
we can sit here and complain
219
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,294
or we can go out there
and enjoy ourselves.
220
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,896
I'm gonna sit here and complain.
221
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:00,165
Fine, we'll see you later.
222
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:04,336
[thunder rumbling]
223
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,739
[sighs]
224
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,975
Welcome back.
225
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,543
Chutes and ladders anyone?
226
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:14,779
Well, I'm gonna set up
the barbecue. Anybody hungry?
227
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,381
You're not going out there.
228
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,716
Oh, I'll cook under the awning.
229
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:21,720
You need some help
bobbing for firewood?
230
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,956
One more word out of you,
and you're not eating with us.
231
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,791
Right, let the alien starve.
232
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,160
I think
the alien could skip a meal.
233
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:32,530
It might be
a new experience for him!
234
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,069
Uh, how would you like
your hamburger?
235
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,639
Medium-rare. Hold the lightning!
236
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:45,910
Well, how would you like
to be 50% hair?
237
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,413
You know, you're a different
person when you're on vacation.
238
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,416
I'm just trying
to make this vacation fun.
239
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,151
How? By drowning us?
240
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,087
By trying to keep
a positive attitude!
241
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,756
You might do that yourself
242
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,191
instead of complaining
all the time!
243
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,292
Guys, please!
244
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,594
Well, not everyone enjoys
245
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:04,596
spending their vacation
in a rainforest.
246
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:06,798
We're in this rainforest
because of you!
247
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,434
- I vote we go home.
- Uh, you're not voting on this.
248
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,570
Call the newspapers!
Democracy is dead!
249
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,274
You wanna go home? Go!
No one's stopping him.
250
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,609
- Dad!
- There's the door!
251
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,444
- Willie!
- You want me to go, I'll go!
252
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:22,747
- Fine, go!
- Fine, I'm going.
253
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,116
ALF, don't!
254
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,019
Sorry, Brian, I have my pride.
255
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,422
[thunder rumbling]
256
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,691
- ALF.
- Come on, ALF.
257
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,159
You're not really going.
258
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,195
I'm out of here. I'm history!
259
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,801
I'm going to die.
260
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,804
[thunder rumbling]
261
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,773
[instrumental music]
262
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,047
[birds chirping]
263
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,882
Where could he be?
264
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,919
- Is that him?
- No.
265
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,621
I think that's just
a rotted tree stump.
266
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,727
[birds chirping]
267
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,996
One, two, three, four.
268
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,732
Oh, no! I slipped on the chute.
269
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,501
Well, I'll just have to start
at the beginning.
270
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,503
Dad, how can you play
at a time like this?
271
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,071
ALF is all alone out there.
272
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,840
He might get caught
in a bear trap.
273
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,776
And it will be
getting dark soon, Willie.
274
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,847
Maybe we better call the police.
275
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,349
No, to be a missing person,
you'd have to be missing
276
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,917
for 24 hours..
277
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,453
...and be a person.
278
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,289
Shoot!
279
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,525
Another chute!
280
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:44,028
Well, it just isn't my day.
281
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,864
It's not ALF's day, either.
282
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,466
Yeah, we want ALF back.
283
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:51,402
Ju.. Don't try to make me
feel guilty about--
284
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:54,739
- Sending him out to die?
- Asking him to leave.
285
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,142
Anyone else would have done
the same thing.
286
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,877
- Not me.
- Not me.
287
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,011
Not me.
288
00:13:01,715 --> 00:13:03,715
Alright,
where's the wolf repellent?
289
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:05,750
Oh, honey!
290
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:06,918
Yay, dad!
291
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,654
Remember, dad,
it doesn't work on bears.
292
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,122
Oh, thanks.
293
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,425
And, honey, I want you to be
very careful out there, alright?
294
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,628
- Give me a kiss.
- Yeah, okay.
295
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,229
- Alright.
- Mwah. I love you, daddy.
296
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,299
Alright. So long, son.
297
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,502
[sighs]
298
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,306
[door shuts]
299
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,877
[instrumental music]
300
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:41,653
[birds chirping]
301
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,994
[door creaking]
302
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,996
Hello?
303
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,932
Anybody home?
304
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:59,003
I'm coming in!
305
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,909
I'm in!
306
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,519
I'm looking through
your cabinets.
307
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,690
[sniffing]
308
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,066
Yikes!
309
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,873
Oh! Oreos.
310
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,574
My kind of people.
311
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,880
(male
'Ah, it's your fault.
Hey, look here.'
312
00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:45,583
'You left the door open. You
know, you really are an idiot.'
313
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:49,554
I mean, I had that rabbit
right in my sights
314
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:53,625
and then you scare him away
with that sound you were making.
315
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,561
It was a rabbit call.
316
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,730
Rabbits don't have a call.
317
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,665
How do they get
each other's attention?
318
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,401
- Don't talk to me.
- Rabbits have a call.
319
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:08,006
If you don't believe me,
look it up.
320
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,775
[exhales sharply]
Would you look at this?
321
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,044
I mean, you're always
leavin' the cookies out.
322
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,880
- We're gonna get ants!
- I didn't do that.
323
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,181
Well, who did?
324
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:20,518
Maybe some animal
got in here or somethin'.
325
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,053
Right, some animal
326
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:25,423
who just happens to be
partial to Oreos!
327
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,925
[ALF groans]
328
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:29,427
What was that?
329
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,962
I think we have a burglar.
330
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,196
[guns cocking]
331
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,532
A dead burglar.
332
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,034
Cover me.
333
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,041
It is an animal.
334
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,811
Well,
it's an ugly little sucker!
335
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,248
I think it's a dog!
336
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,816
That's no dog!
337
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,618
Yeah, it's one of those
expensive dogs.
338
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,386
I've seen pictures of 'em.
339
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,056
I think Cher has one.
340
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:02,593
Nah, that's one of those
weird animals from Australia.
341
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,663
Oh, yeah, sure.
Then how did it get here?
342
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,799
Don't you know anything?
343
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,635
The continents
used to be connected.
344
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,404
That is the stupidest thing
you ever said!
345
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,540
Well, look it up!
346
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:21,746
You know what that is?
It's an anteater.
347
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,415
Are you sure?
348
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,585
Yeah, and it's against the law
to shoot anteaters.
349
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:34,192
What are you talkin' about?
You can shoot anteaters!
350
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,593
[spits]
351
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:39,030
I don't care what he is,
I'm gonna take him out
352
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,331
and butcher him.
353
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,833
[gasps]
354
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,268
Why do you always get to do
all the butchering?
355
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:48,139
Because you usually end up
mutilating all the good meat!
356
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,440
[whimpering]
357
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,109
I'll get the chain saw
358
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,844
you make the salad.
359
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,685
That guy orders me around
too much.
360
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:02,987
Uh, yeah, you're getting
361
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:05,623
the short end of the stick,
alright.
362
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,091
I hear ya.
363
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:11,262
I do hear you.
364
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,299
You-you're talkin'!
365
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,368
A-a talkin' anteater!
366
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,304
Yeah, listen, uh, you should
get even with that guy.
367
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:24,308
May I suggest a murder-suicide?
368
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,643
You're really talkin'!
369
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,645
Yeah, I'm talkin'.
Let's get past that.
370
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,815
Why, I never ate anything
that talked.
371
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,151
Well, my cousin's cockatoo.
372
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:36,154
[chainsaw sputtering]
373
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:40,725
ALF? ALF?
374
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,828
Hey-hey, Earth to yokel.
375
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,596
Focus in here, alright?
376
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,932
I'm, uh, I'm not an anteater.
377
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:52,904
I'm a magical creature
of the forest.
378
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:57,341
If you release me,
I'll grant you three wishes.
379
00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,044
Oh, wait a second,
you're not a magical creature.
380
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,513
You're just
an ordinary talking anteater.
381
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,649
Well, look it up.
382
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,785
Hey, Artie!
383
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,688
- This anteater talks.
- What?
384
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,357
Yeah, but don't listen to a word
he says, he's tricky.
385
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,693
I think he's from the city.
386
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,728
We've got to get you a woman.
387
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,796
[knocking on door]
388
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:19,864
Who could that be?
389
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,600
Maybe it's a talking rabbit.
390
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,268
Hello. I-I'm sorry
to bother you.
391
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:28,039
But have you seen
a-anything unusual in the area?
392
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,740
I know
that's a very general question
393
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,075
but if you've seen
what I'm referring to
394
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,877
I'm sure you'll know
what I mean.
395
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,212
And if you haven't, well
396
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,746
there'll be no point
in taking up your time
397
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,482
with a long explanation.
398
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:38,583
Who is this?
399
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,786
Some guy with a run-on sentence.
400
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,254
[ALF whining]
401
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,890
ALF! Oh, ALF!
402
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,593
Oh, ALF, thank goodness!
403
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,261
Oh, we were so worried.
404
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,796
Look, I'm sorry
about what happened.
405
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,998
Are-are you okay?
Did you get lost?
406
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,933
[clears throat]
407
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,336
Oh, obviously,
I don't expect him to answer.
408
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,271
I do.
409
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:04,642
Well, thank you,
thank you for finding our..
410
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,912
...anteater.
411
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,414
Come on, ALF. Come on.
412
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:11,616
Come on, boy, we got to go.
413
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,384
Now wait just a minute.
414
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:17,688
How do we know he's yours?
415
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,991
Look at the way
he's hugging my leg.
416
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:23,661
So what? I had a dog
who did that to everybody.
417
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,330
I don't know
what kind of proof you want
418
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,332
but ALF belongs to me.
419
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,435
Possession
is nine-tenths of the law.
420
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:34,071
That's right, he's half ours.
421
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,776
Look, ALF is coming with me.
422
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,378
And that's that.
423
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,782
Did I mention
the generous $50 reward there is
424
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,217
for finding ALF?
425
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:47,818
Oh, 50 each?
426
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,187
Uh, no-no, 25 apiece.
427
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,223
- Oh, well, I was gonna say--
- Shut up!
428
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,457
That's 50 apiece!
429
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:56,627
Uh, $100 is ridiculous!
430
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,662
[chainsaw sputtering]
431
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,031
Ridiculous of me to say no!
432
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,635
Alright.
Nice doing business with you.
433
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,038
My pleasure. Come on.
434
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,073
I'm telling you,
that thing can talk!
435
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,309
Can't believe
those guys can talk.
436
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:12,643
What was that?
437
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,412
I said I was gonna
take him for a walk.
438
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,214
Come, come, come. Come on, ALF.
439
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,816
[door shuts]
440
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,152
I'll hold your 25.
441
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:22,920
Oh, thanks.
442
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:32,663
[sighs]
ALF..
443
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:35,333
ALF, I think
we'd make better time
444
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,268
if you let go of my leg.
445
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,769
Just a little longer.
446
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:41,539
I've been through
a traumatic experience.
447
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:44,909
Did I tell you how much
I appreciate you saving my life?
448
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,877
Yes, you did, ALF.
449
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,679
Did I also tell you that I think
450
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,515
you're a credit
to the human race?
451
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,684
Over and over.
452
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,687
Did I tell you
I think you got us lost?
453
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,289
- We're not lost.
- Yeah.
454
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,424
I think
we've been walking in circles.
455
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,361
That's because you've been
holding on to my leg.
456
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,029
Well, anyway, we're lost.
457
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,431
We're not lost.
We're going the right way.
458
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:10,301
No, I'm pretty sure
we should be going that way.
459
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:14,038
No, that is the way
back to the camper.
460
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,875
No, that's the way
back to the camper.
461
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,177
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
462
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,781
Alright, well, let's compromise.
463
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,650
Let's go that way.
464
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,619
No! No, no!
That's where those guys live.
465
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:32,957
You got it! I'm gonna
return you, get my $100 back.
466
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,395
You know what?
You're absolutely right.
467
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:40,431
That is the way
back to the camper.
468
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:43,834
- Whatever you say.
- All aboard!
469
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:47,038
[instrumental music]
470
00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:51,008
Here's more rain, Lucky.
471
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:55,012
Rain again.
472
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:58,316
- Rain from another angle.
- I took that one.
473
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,018
Hang on, Lucky, we're just
getting to the good part.
474
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,587
ALF, we've seen these
dozens of times.
475
00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:04,989
Yeah, we have.
476
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:08,426
But I haven't shown them
to the Luck-meister.
477
00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:09,527
[meows]
478
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:13,030
Here I am
after Willie rescued me
479
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:14,665
from what I'd like to call
480
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,401
The Cabin That Dripped Blood.
481
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:22,340
Here I am, kissing the floor
of the motorhome.
482
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:25,276
(ALF)
'Here I am, kissing Willie.'
483
00:22:25,278 --> 00:22:26,877
'Let me tell ya,
I got more response'
484
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:29,213
from kissing the floor!
Hah! Hah!
485
00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:30,481
Oh, yeah, only kidding, my man!
486
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:33,317
You saved my life.
Stand up and take a bow.
487
00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:37,288
Come on. Oh, he's modest.
I love that. Alright.
488
00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:39,557
Here I am,
lighting the barbeque.
489
00:22:40,893 --> 00:22:43,527
Here's the motorhome
going up in flames.
490
00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:46,997
Here we are, coming home by bus.
491
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:49,100
That's me in the duffel bag.
492
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:52,203
Here I am
being chained to a tree
493
00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:54,805
before the family took off
for San Diego!
494
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:57,475
Hey, no hard feelings.
495
00:22:57,477 --> 00:23:00,444
[instrumental music]
496
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:07,585
[theme music]
497
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:34,178
[laughing]
498
00:23:34,881 --> 00:23:38,082
[instrumental music]